I want to tell my stories for a very long time now. Maybe because I want to be heard or maybe because I just want to remember.
I’ve been fighting a long ass struggle. Looking for the right one to blame so I can finally take it out of myself. Didn’t took too long for me to realize that no one is. I’m it. I am the culprit of my own sufferings. We tend to only credit ourselves when things are positive. We blame others when it’s not. Something I had to truly accept is that everything may be part of a whole and no single thing can be compartmentalize in life. This is it. A mixture of all things. I am a bad and good person. Nothing exist in between.
Wanting to die in a very young age is mildly traumatic. You have just lost the light to the tunnel. Nothing make any sense anymore. Not a single wind can change your mind. You just want to end it, right here, right now. So you try to talk good sense to yourself. Why? And you can not simply answer it. So you say, I just have to.
One of a personal favorite friend of mine said:
You know what they say about you generation? That you’ll easily give up.
I know I had wine that night but it hit me. It’s true. Every body in my generation is fucking suicidal. Is it a mainstream thing to do? Or are we just leaning to farfetched ideals that one can not truly stand not to attain in each of their lifetimes? I don’t know. Ask the anon people on the internet. Apparently they know every single thing.
Okay, whatever this is. It’s still an entry. It is an unstructured one. Non linear narrative. It’s just a rubbish rant from hooman being who clearly wants her thoughts to run as long as it can. The title doesn’t even make sense.
Anyway, hope you have a non-linear day!